OOOPS! This Is Late!

This Friday’s music background can be found at my playlist on Youtube (as can all previous music). As always I will give the song, the artist, the album, label and release date. To listen to the song/video you can follow a link to my playlist from youtube.

Jump Off This World performed by Amber’s Drive off their album by the same name released January 2015.

My playlist on youtube – J.Kolb’s Blog Playlist

 

Dear Diary,

So this last week was our 29th Anniversary. A thought struck me, I know as much about our future now, as I did standing on McCracken County Court House steps after Judge David Reed married us— that would be: absolutely zip.

The future was a big unknown. My first experience at marriage was disastrous. It came with inherent problems I had no clue about, much less how to deal with them. What I did learn from that first fiasco was to always go with my gut. I hadn’t and it set up a domino effect for everything else. So in my second, I just went with it, my gut.

Then I made my first mistake, I tried to plan. Make my situation and circumstance fit the normal process of become a writer. Pleasing people that are important to the cause, follow the accepted ways and means of doing business as a writer, even straddle the fence between accepted normal approaches and going rogue. My development as a writer has been stagnated by that desire to be a ‘writer’ by the numbers. Attempting to half way follow the course of traditional wannabe to active published writer has left me stressed and too busy with details to do the real work and study I need to do.

Thus my level of frustration was also increased. Frustration with my skill level, annoyance with my inability to have my finished pieces sound like my imagination, and above all, stay true to who I am. Trying to check off too many boxes of what and how I need to do this. So, I am trashing the list and going back to my gut instinct.

I am not an expert about much. I am an expert at imagination, and myself. What I am capable of doing and the manner in which I can work. I am also willing to broaden that familiar base and improve, expand my knowledge and skill. Right now I am working on writing in a genre that is totally unfamiliar to me. Why? Because the idea concept of the story requires it. I love the idea. I love the concept. So, I have to grow into it.

This brings me round full circle; when I was on the cusp of my marital life with The Hub, I didn’t know I would grow this much as a person. Briefly, for a while I have dealt with personal setbacks that appeared as an internal struggle. Questioning myself, quite frankly because I didn’t see events coming that I felt I should have. In retrospect, I wasn’t shocked at other’s actions; I was disgruntled with my own hurt feelings and disappointed, questioning what I had done to be treated so badly. What was wrong with me? Time resolved most of that, and distance has aided my perspective greatly.

One underlying factor in all of it was understanding the motivation and how those dominoes fell. This is something writers/storytellers do. They pay attention to the nuances and dynamics of experiences knowing that at some point in the future, they will be able to parlay them into a story plot, flesh out a character or use in a scene to more a story along.

Learn at your own pace: about life, about writing, and especially about marriage. Happy Anniversary to my old man, The Hubs. Love you oodles and gobs, bunches and bunches,

J

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