Voice

Dearies,

Many times here and on blogs before, I bemoaned the loss of my (writing) voice. In truth it also involved the loss of my state of normal. Grief has enlightened me in understanding how events can so alter a person’s life, place, relationships and identity that that they lose, to a degree, who they think they are, or ever were. What events cause the grief may themselves play a part but no one really knows what it will take –until it does.

For me, it seemed, my rock or rocks were three. My children, my writing and my husband. Even though my writing was a solace, I was perplexing because my place of storytelling was ever shifting, and unfixed. I could see many sides, alternate viewpoints; the result was all over the place jumble. (Not that it ever was all that reliable to begin with, or so I thought.)

I am not sure if I have come full circle, or just hit a solid point of ground in life where my experiences are giving way to a tiny bit of wisdom.

Back to my point, as I traversed the emotional aspects, I kept considering how I could make this experience a positive one after all. Could I use this to help me be a better writer? Could this help me honestly and authentically tell a story with a character in this or that emotional state? I mean, as long as I was going through what I was going through, I wanted it to be put to good use somewhere in the future.

Looking back, it might have made me dwell longer here or there than was necessary It did add an element to the process, empathy to others, as well as characters, but like many things too much isn’t good, it can quickly become an excess. (Learning to find the right level/pace is still ongoing.)

My writing voice, that I thought was lost, has been on a journey. Not the first and surely not the last, but a journey that has refined and richened it my voice, and me.

Just,
Me.

Random Slips of Paper

Dearies,

These are bits and pieces of thoughts and ideas spread hither and yon about my existence realm.

They are merely here as place holders until a better idea for a post appears.

Have a lovely summer.

Here is what I have learned as much as there are kind and generous people in this world, no one takes care of you better than you. And you will find so many things that are important and worthwhile in this world to put on your agenda, to be in your to do list, and that make this world a better place. But, you aren’t going to be able to do that very well, if you don’t take care of you first.

Here let me change myself to accommodate your perception of me. Who does that?

When I verbally tell a story – I don’t think about whether or not it is good or funny. I think it and tell it at the same time. Maybe I need approach my writing that way.

I don’t write or do that, or know that – I am doubtful I know even what THAT is!

I am the kind of writer that has inspiration hit between waking and sleeping . . . and sleeping and waking. And have to write in bed briefly, hoping that tomorrow when fully awake I can put he few legible words together to make a complete thought sensible.

I am sorry, I don’t know who you are.

 

Just,

Me.

Late March Madness (aka Thank you Crew of United Flight 4237 3/19/2016)

In January, without thinking ahead, a flight was booked. That flight? Smack in the middle of March Madness –right at the time of the Kentucky vs Indiana game! There was no way, absolutely no way, of knowing this when the flight was booked.

Unfortunately, there at the other end was a connecting flight and a reason why travel couldn’t be changed. Wifi was unavailable for purchase during the flight. I had accepted this was just going to be a rough day to travel, regardless of the beautiful the weather.

In hopes that there was a kind, understanding pilot at the helm, I asked the flight attendant, Rachel, if she would relay my request to the pilot for any update that could be obtained during the flight. She did, the pilot did, and well, they performed above and beyond.

Rachel made sure I got the messages back at the back of the plane. Unfortunately, the game didn’t end with a good result. Kentucky lost 67 to Indiana’s 73. We landed making it to the gate in time for me to watch, after leaving airplane mode, the last minute texts updates of the game play across the screen of my phone. (Thanks to UK Athletics for their text alerts)

I had fully planned to review the flight and send that crew high praise for their beyond the job efforts to make one traveler comfortable during the flight –especially a born and raised Kentucky girl who bleeds blue. I failed! There was a rough week, which turned in to a month which turned into two months awaiting me at my final destination. My time was consumed and that review and praise got pushed further down the list of things I wanted to do.

(Thank those sticky notes people, because as each week went by, that note reminding me to review that flight favorably kept moving along as well. Sorry it took me so long to praise the crew from flight 4237 March 19th, 2016. Y’all were awesome! (Wish my guesses had proved to be as sound as your customer service! Thanks to NCAA for the bracket. )

UK Game NCAA 2016

Attempting to Win a Freebie

Yes, I am, that is the whole point of this post.

I read Kristen Lamb’s blog fairly frequently because, well, she makes sense and helps me bring new eyes to my writing.

So the latest blog has as always a bonus factor – this time it is to win a spot (for freebies) in an upcoming class which my sad little writer ego thinks I really need.

Botched Beginnings is the blog post and it is all about how NOT to start a story, or conversely exactly how to start one the reader can’t put down.  Now, this attempt to win isn’t just limited to me; you, too, can comment, link and try and win the reasonably priced $25 spot.  Or, you could just suck up the expense go ahead and pay for it and let ‘er rip.

Best of luck to us all.

Meltdown Spiritual Revival

Dearie,

At the semester end, I found that I passed quite nicely. Surprised the hell out of me! I think my semester g.p.a was 3.75. Shocker!

Looking back, I realize the stress level I placed upon myself was too much. I did have that meltdown in late April. I wondered whether or not attending Mass had helped or hurt that whole stress level thing. So this morning I did some digging to try to determine the linking of one to the other. (Totally unscientific and with no substantial proof of any correlation, just what I have decided in my mind.)

I was not happy to see that I had started going a full week before the implosion and my “quitting” college. On the other hand, it only last one day and I was able to resolve the overload and finish out the semester. My disposition since has been to those nearest me a bit calmer and more relaxed. Personally, I can relate to having less inner strife and more clarity into what is important and letting go of what isn’t.

Having an hour of time out of this world and a spiritual regrouping with the assurance that not only do I, but others in the room with me see the value and necessity of it. Sure, sure there is the whole religion thing that really makes it possible, but I am not prepared to get into the nitty gritty theological debate or defense of one belief over the other. This is about the intimate one to one of time, routine, and relationship. One might call it centering, regrouping, worship, whatever floats your boat.

In my time away from Mass, I learned more about listening. First off, that I don’t do enough, and second that how lightly or deeply I consider what I do hear isn’t always applied as intended by the speakers (see the first part). This was something I gained from studying about Buddhism, meditation, and listening.

Being quiet; I am not very good at. But, I am better than I was. So this is a new perspective I brought with me back to Mass.

It is all quite complicated relating to the intrusive aspect of grief. Something we all go through; some of us longer and more deeply than others for unique reasons. Mine is just more redundant because I have to take writer’s notes about all this so that I can use the experience gained in a future story. Then I go back through and analyze the actions and motivations and make more notes, etc. I sure hope all this work improves my ability to tell a story and make it compelling. It’s gonna suck if it doesn’t.

Just,
Me.

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