At the semester end, I found that I passed quite nicely. Surprised the hell out of me! I think my semester g.p.a was 3.75. Shocker!
Looking back, I realize the stress level I placed upon myself was too much. I did have that meltdown in late April. I wondered whether or not attending Mass had helped or hurt that whole stress level thing. So this morning I did some digging to try to determine the linking of one to the other. (Totally unscientific and with no substantial proof of any correlation, just what I have decided in my mind.)
I was not happy to see that I had started going a full week before the implosion and my “quitting” college. On the other hand, it only last one day and I was able to resolve the overload and finish out the semester. My disposition since has been to those nearest me a bit calmer and more relaxed. Personally, I can relate to having less inner strife and more clarity into what is important and letting go of what isn’t.
Having an hour of time out of this world and a spiritual regrouping with the assurance that not only do I, but others in the room with me see the value and necessity of it. Sure, sure there is the whole religion thing that really makes it possible, but I am not prepared to get into the nitty gritty theological debate or defense of one belief over the other. This is about the intimate one to one of time, routine, and relationship. One might call it centering, regrouping, worship, whatever floats your boat.
In my time away from Mass, I learned more about listening. First off, that I don’t do enough, and second that how lightly or deeply I consider what I do hear isn’t always applied as intended by the speakers (see the first part). This was something I gained from studying about Buddhism, meditation, and listening.
Being quiet; I am not very good at. But, I am better than I was. So this is a new perspective I brought with me back to Mass.
It is all quite complicated relating to the intrusive aspect of grief. Something we all go through; some of us longer and more deeply than others for unique reasons. Mine is just more redundant because I have to take writer’s notes about all this so that I can use the experience gained in a future story. Then I go back through and analyze the actions and motivations and make more notes, etc. I sure hope all this work improves my ability to tell a story and make it compelling. It’s gonna suck if it doesn’t.