So this is a problem. The difference between pieces I write for myself and those written for public consumption. Review reading had made this realization a priority several years ago. This, disconnect between the two writing audiences.
Sitting down to write for you, an armor of disconnect is the aura around me. Its every word for itself— have you ever tried to write a rough draft, edit and rewrite in one stroke of the pen or punch of a key? That’s what I am talking about. It makes the words come in sputters and spits.
When I write, just to write for me, I don’t go through that process. I just think a thought and before it is complete in my mind, it has already moved on down into my arm and out my fingers onto/in the format at hand to exist visually as words. This process makes me rush to get the word down and the flow of thoughts roll out like raging river – the rhythm of reading run so smooth. I don’t worry about what you will think or judge.
The difference in the two types of writing are vast. Trying to find a happy medium between the two is or become more comfortable struggle. I suppose it is a part of the “figuring out how I write” stage of a young writer. (I am amused by that coined category– young writer. I am over fifty flipping years old! But, I see the truth in that term.)
There are many things I have yet to learn about being a writer. Being a late bloomer has advantages as well as drawbacks. This disconnect and resolution of it is one of mine.