Self Respect

So, about that journal entry thing, to make it sink in and leave me with a strong inner impression, reorganization of the words others supplied was necessary. (http://byjuliekolb.com/2017/01/07/focus-2017/) Taking those words and making them into a sentence that would speak volumes to my soul and spirit wasn’t difficult.

“I am an outgoing, caring, smart mess; a friendly, caring, intelligent, indomitable, imaginative, funny, active, creative, strong, gorgeous woman; a loving, intelligent, strong, tenacious, mother.”

After four months this statement has begun to settle in. There is something to this whole positive thinking thing; along with some prayer and meditation that go hand in hand to make self respect and confidence increase.

So with a month of solid yoga stretching under my belt, which was haphazardly begun at the first of the year, my daily flow is starting to evolve into a work habit and exercise habit and eating well habit. It still isn’t what I had envisioned but they exist a more solid consistent form.

Procrastination and resistance were absolutely a problem. As you will see next week, I was pushing and expecting way too much, way too soon. From my research and readings, it is a common problem, nice to know I have company. My original idea was so restricted to fitting within a set expectation of norms, there was no room for my creative imagination to play; no room for my relationships, even the most important spiritual ones.

It wore on my energy, patience, and yes, even my happiness. It wasn’t any one thing that made me stop pushing and expecting so much to happen within the limited hours of the day; it was a lot of them. Taking the time to respect myself, my personality, my way of doing things.

Thus far it has been a little of this and a little of that, making adjustments for what works for me. Or, maybe it is reincorporating things that always worked with me. A little shift of perspective, sure sometime new is better; but then again the tried and true works, too. Putting new and old together works.

I have had this before, and I do again. 😉

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Taking Criticism

Taking Criticism

Kinda proud of how well I took some face to face criticism, lately.

First I acknowledged to myself how I was taking the conversation. It began with recognizing my emotional knee jerk reaction to the statements. Allowing those feelings to be.

Then I tried to not just hear the words, but listen as much as my emotional ears would allow. Once that knee jerk reaction blew over, then I would want review what was said to find useful information.

I am rather pleased with being face to face with criticism and processing it in the best possible way. That was a huge feat. Growth. Growth as a writer and as a human being as well.

I am practicing receiving criticism, a tough part of writing. Some is helpful, some isn’t. Discerning between the two types isn’t always clear cut. But you have to be able to not just take criticism but to listen to it as well.

I think you learn as much about the person making the criticism as you do about the subject the critic is about. Having witnessed someone be disrespectful and down right childish put me off this method of improving. It wasn’t even me that was the recipient of that less than altruistic moment. The sour impression stuck with me for a very long time.

Building up my own confidence was necessary to prepare to be on the receiving end. I know I can’t prevent myself from being caught in a similar situation, but I felt I could prepare to find myself in like circumstances and be prepared to rise above such an experience, should it happen to me.

The answer is No.

Dearie,

The answer is NO. I don’t care what you ask me, when you ask it, unless the deadline is in a far from today far far in the future, the answer is a definite, “NO.” Not just “no,” not even a “No.” It is “NO. “ Not quite yet a, “NO!”, but it is getting there.

Seriously, respecting yourself, to my chagrin includes respecting your time, and your natural healthy life-pace. That is something some people seem to just normally be born with, or were raised to respect. I don’t know how they do it, but I wish I did. I have had to learn. And relearn.

Bottomline is that during some people’s lifetime they go through events; circumstances; moments; ok, years –that just seem to put normal life in a blender and mix it all up. Coming out of that blob of a mess is just as difficult momentarily as the moment the whirling starts and finding all hell has broken loose. Or even that moment when the whirling stops, but the dizziness is still full throttle and you can’t tell up from down.

Well, ok, not quite that bad, but I am reminded of it. With feet on solid, or more solid ground than yesterday, or last week, or year; finding the gumption to say no, is surprisingly easier. Especially when you know you are at a crossroads and are figuring out which way to go.

Sure there will always be those trying to rush you ahead, or slow you down. The right answer is, at least in my opinion, in your heart, your gut, you intuition. You know. You know? So, I am following that. Past experience has proven mine to be spot on.

So, my answer was, and still is No. And I am proud of that.

Just me,

J.

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